sAd

haayy i feel so sad sad sad :(

i never thought this will happen, for so many years that we survived.. then all will end up like this, I'm still hoping i can forgive and just forget.. But whenever i think of it, i felt a little bit scared that you will just hurt me again, not physically but verbally..

when you were telling me things, i felt so stupid that i revolve my world around you, i base all my decisions in your convenience, i forget all about the things I should be doing then after all of that i will just hear all those words..

all along i thought its all Ok, but then again you just explore like a bomb, vomiting all the words you've been meaning to say all these weeks :'(.. i should have known, i should have ready myself :(

i promise myself na titiisin na kita and it is very hard, hard as hell.. im missing you terribly but i must do this.. i need to find myself and learn from it :(

i love you but good bye for now..

7th year aNNiversary

What a lovely surprise from my bhe.. I was speechless and soo touch! :,), It took seven years for me to received something like this.. hahaha :))

I still remember the day when I finally said YES to my bhe.. (just a recap) the night before He said that He sent me a letter, and asked me to calm down for what i was gonna read the following day, Its very intriguing and at the same time I was excited, I had that night a sleepless one. The following day I hurriedly went to school to check for my email, still sleepless and review less for my exam, i allotted my remaining 10 mins before my first class in checking my mail..

too bad i cant find the copy :( i just found this one, my reply to his email.. :) haaayyy sarap mg reminisce :) kakiligkilig :))

hi po,. eto wala lang kailangan ko kcing maghanap yung sa paper works ko kya, binasa ko n yung mail mo.. anu ba yun! magdamag n nga tyong mag-ka-txt e marami p tyong mail...ok lng masaya namn e.. well ayun last nyt! hayaan mo n yunwala nnamn cgurong magawa yung mga yun.. ewan ko b kung bakt pti cia sumasama na sa mga ganun., hay kung- cnu-cno ng nkk-impluwensya sa mokong n iyon.. sori kwentuhan p daw kita, dti kc matino yon e..nging problematic dis past few months., yun lang.. yun kinukwento lng s akin nung cousin nya.. he!! hayaan mo n iyon dati p iyon e my knya knya n kming priorities ngaun,, tpos n yung story namin!! my iba n akong bubuuing story..pero sna lang dis tym d n mag-fail,, kc ang hirap!!... hayy pasencia n po sa iyo ko n nkwento yung sama ng loob ko kagabi.. and thank you din kc nakinig k..dmo me iniwan.. thanks s concern!! buti di k p ngsswang mkinig sa akin noh.. ang drama drama ng buhay ko... katulad ng text mo knina.. nabitin k ba dun sa text kagabi.. SECRET pb??? wala lng ewan ko... ang gulo ko talaga noh.. cguro nga bcoz im learning to appreciate you more n more,. nd maybe bcoz.. next e-mail na lng po,, he,he,he! bitin ba?.. well ok namn we start as frends and became Best of Frends i think you have Proven yourself n.. well ok! we could be MORE THAN FRENDS n.. (10/2/02)but can we kip it as a secret for a while wla lang d namn me showbiz e.. basta jaz the two of us lng.. ok po!! o masaya kb? Promise not to tell anyone muna ha,...Thnks!! mis col mo ako ng tatlong beses pagnbasa mo n ito ok!!! thanks thanks.... take care always!! *jOan*

grrr

Oh my.. i havent stop myself from exploding again.. i just drop the bomb again! grr!

Hate talking to someone na parang napipilitan lng sa lahat ng mga bagay n ginagawa nya, why is it hard for me to see sincerity on someone, I always feel na they're just doing it for the sake of, just because i said so or out of debt.. HAAAYy.. i hate it!!

..dreams....

I once dream of becoming a doctor, I recently took the NMAT exam and i failed, I wont be scared to admit it because thats the fact and atleast I tried to take the first step to reach that childhood dream. It was painful at first cause of the reality that I cant be one but I know it doesnt end there I know God has other plans for me and I am wiling to wait for the right time.

Just few days ago I had a chance to be with my cousins who is a few years older than i, we had a hearty laugh and i was so happy to be with them, I never laugh that way for long..☺☺☺ Ate sha was telling about her students and while she was telling it we cant help but laugh really hard even though she hasnt finish her story yet, coz she is a natural comedienne..

They ask me why Not I Get the 18 units to become teacher.. Actually thats another option for me when i learned that I failed the Nmat exam, But I just cant decide yet at that time.. And since they convince me and I think Y not.. So yesterday i kept on looking at the internet in which school offers that course and a school just near where I live and i end up finding the UPOP.. now, I just have to inquire abouit it and tell my parents for this plan..

If I cant be a doctor then mayde I can be a teacher :)

finding myself

I must say its not working.. it is really not working.. :(

Its almost everyday that i get irritated and annoyed even on a very small things, i like details, i like stories, i like to know everything, I know it is impossible but i like to know every single thing.. oh God! what is happening to me.. Is this the result of me being traumatized on what happened before?! I cant stop thinking, I cant stop suspecting, I cant stop myself from loving you eitheir.. ARGG! x-( what have you done to me..

Maybe we shoudnt have tried again, Maybe we should have give ourselves time to think and analyze every single thing and Maybe we should learn now how to live each day without each other. But how?! Im adicted to you, I check my messenger every morning my emails my FS messages, My FB wall. ARRG x-(

Now, I have to learn to live each day without u, any of u.. I know this is hard but how can i be the same old me towards you if i didnt do this or even try. I hurt you each day, I hurt myself for making myself angry each time i talked to you, I making a whole mess in both of our lives. I make your day not liveable, i ruin each day, each night..

I will just have to this, not later but now.. So, when the day we meet again Ill be the same person you love from the very first day you laid your eyes on..

Till, we meet again.. Im off to a quest in finding myself..

chika minute..

NEWSFLASH: Joan at Glenn, BREAK NA!

Nung isang araw lang ay napag alaman na hiwalay n ang halos 7 taon na magkasintahan, sanhi ng isang hindi pagkaka-unawaan na nahantong sa hiwalayan.Hanggang sa mga oras n ito ay hindi pa ng-uusap ng formal dalawa.

Abangan ang susunod n mga balita, para sa kanilang formal n pahayag.

LOVE is NOT enough

i give up! thats my word for the day..

its a free country and everyone is entitled for an opinion, whether it is good or bad. We can say whatever we think we need to say, and we based it on what we see and what we hear, and i wont be sorry for what ive said.

I said before that i dont want to be told nor to be pushed in what i do or think, for me i have my own choice and wat ever i chose it is because it is what i do best and it is what I think is right for me, I may sound boastful but that is me.

and because of this heated argument, I vomit the word ive bean meaning to say, months ago.. :-( i dont have any intentions of saying it outloud but you provoked me.

TIRED-" i am tired of waiting for nothing and tired of depending all my decision based on your convenience. I had it all in my hands before but I chose to throw it all and comeback cause that's what you say, thats what you wanted and that's what I think was right for us to be together soon! im tired of waiting on somebody who doesnt care what i want"

FINALLY-but I thank the situation that i finally had a chance to say it, i finally let you know what i feel, I finally let all my anger out. FINALLY..

WAY-this time i wont be the one who will asked for a sorry nor asked for us to comeback together, now its time for you to make a way.. and for me to find myself along the way. or maybe ill let this situation stay this way.

LOVE- My love for you is not enough for me to go on, i admit I am scared to face the world alone but I have to stand now and pick all my shattered pieces. I love you but I have to move on for now and decide for myself, base on what I really want and not because of what you think..

NOW_Im letting you go now, maybe one day our love will lead us back.. but for now l'll let it stay this way, i will endure all the pain it will bring..

am I SORRY?? not now maybe tomorrow.. :,(

giving it a thought

I happened to browse in the Philippine job net a job that I used to do, I was thinking of applying again its a different country thou.. Im kinda excited about it, but still there are lot of things that need to be consider.. :( haayy nu a yan, Ive here for 8 mos now, and nothing happened yet , I mean I'm doing the same routine for 8 mos now and I want a change, i want to go for another adventure.. haaayy patience! patience! ;)

Angela's baptism

Countdown Clock

Make your own Countdown Clocks

my green theraphy

I realize a few days ago that every time I am feeling blue, i will sit in front of my plants and just simply stare at them until my loneliness is gone or the bad thing that i was feeling was already ease. I cant explain why and how but that thing work wonders for me.

I remember when Glenn and I had a fight I went out of our house and sit in front of the plants and just stay there for a few minutes, i just breathe and think a little and voila, im Ok na.

I was in college when I begun to have a passion in planting and having some flowers in our front yard, since we were living in a compound Ive only got a small space to keep them, I start my day checking on them, putting some "pataba" which was advise by the seller. :), i water them everyday and checked if some unwanted grass was beginning to bloom..:)

My day wasnt complete if I didnt seat at the front of my plants, even sa tanghaling tapat i will seat there not minding the heat of the sun. Basta I want to seat there, I will.. :)

try nyo.. theres something in the plants that make my day!

Photo Blog

Take a look at the Different events of my LIFE!

1. A picture of you in your room

*parang room ng bata :)

2. A picture of you posing with someone you don't actually like.


*I dont like the kid, simply b'coz i dunno him :)

3. A picture with a former crush.

*crush? ayun o! ;)

4. A picture of you very drunk.

*Im drunk when that picture was taken! hindi lng halata coz im still smiling!

5. A picture of you with a parent or two.
*One of my fave pic..taken at UST grounds

6. A picture of you on your birthday, or your favorite holiday.


*My favourite holiday kasi it is the first time again that I spend New Year with them after some time.

7. A picture of you from your younger years.

*I grabbed this from Pam.. i miss my lolo sooo much :( (im in Grade 2)

8. A picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.

*My first sexy outfit :)

9. A picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.

*this is from my camera fon, im bored when this shot was taken.

10. A picture you might have edited to make yourself more attractive.

*My second sexy outfit.. hehe

11. A picture of you and a team or club you're in.

*We're BBC member's (British Bum Cleaning)

12. A picture of a night you regret...

*even I do regret that night I havent had a pic taken.. hehehe

13. A picture of you showing off a new haircut.

*From a super long hair to this super short one ;(

14. A picture of you truly being yourself.

*Laughing hard as if theres no tomorrow :))

* I super love Plants, flowers.. :)

15. Youre most recent picture.
*At our house in Cabanatuan

16. A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.

*lol

17. A picture you're tagged in on Facebook that you aren't actually in.

*thers none

18 .A picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't.

*My England adventure is over but not my friendship with them..:) miss them soo much

19. A picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more thankful that it is.

*My KFC stint! gosh its a nightmare!

20. A picture with your oldest friends.

*My college friends.. miss them

*My highschool chummies..

21. A picture with your newest friends.

*new addition to the growing number of "friends"

22. A picture of you when you were anything but happy... even if you were smiling and did your best to hide it.

*Im soo happy to be with them, i just came back from a short holiday (hastings)

23. A picture of you that you had no idea was being taken.

*Ara's first communion, pic was taken by kuya Dino.:)

24. A picture of you when you were a different person than you are now.
*A more sociable me :)

25. A picture of you in a fashion "DON'T"

*taba! eeww lol

26. A picture of you in a swimsuit - whether you love it or loathe it!

*ang tapang! ;))

*I was actually wearing a two piece here thats Y I opted to burry my body in the water LOL

27. A picture of you taking a shot / chugging a beer / downing some sort of mixed drink.

*Im careful not to have my picture taken..lol

28. A picture of yourself that you hate.


*I hate my hair! eewww

29. A picture of you with someone you love.

*head over heels Inlove! hahaha

30. A picture of how you'd like the world to see you.

*Happy and bright!

31. A picture that describes how you'd like to spend each day.

*With Love ones.. cousins! they're growing soo fast!

32. A picture of a time when everything was changing.

*My last day at work, my life is about to change! : |

33. A picture that makes your heart hurt.

*I failed to come home in my grandma's burial :,((

34. A picture that makes your heart smile.

*Everytime I think of my bhe, or just simply looking at this pic! ;) love you bhe

35. A picture of one of the best times of your life.

*when I was working and socializing!