pain in love

I don't know what i am feeling right now, blue? odd? sad? what ever you may call it, all i know is that I am not happy at my current state. Been arguing with the husband about certain things that link with the past situation. As much as I wanted i want to forget all about it and start a new, but every time I  find myself in the same boat, I cant help but think about it all over again, its like a movie scene that keeps rewinding in my head and I cant stop it, i keep telling my self that i need to let go of the past to start fresh for our future, but its like a dream that hunt me and i need to voice it out to make me calm but in exchange it will hurt the feelings of my husband. I get too frustrated and don't know how to deal with it.

The things we argue about may seem shallow to some people but kinda necessary for me to bargain with, its all about broken promises, that in the past that i just forgive but today seems to be a habit for him, i can understand some situations but then again, I'm just human, i wont able to take all the annoyance as it files up through the years, I continue to forgive him for everything but it seems things doesn't change, It continually happens every now and then and I hate myself for letting it take place over and over. But what can I do, I love the person and every word that comes out from his mouth i undoubtedly believed and embraced it unquestionably, but there are times that i ask myself if i have to believe it again? shall i in store it in my mind and heart or just let pass through my other ear, my heart was broken a few times, good times heals it but crash every time a promise was not fulfilled. Sometimes i blamed myself for letting it arise, asked myself why i didn't learn from the past situation, but then again those situations strengthen me and I am still not loosing hope that someday one of those broken promises will still come true.

Hope is always there as long as i accept that things will not go on, on our own happiness. Only time will tell when all things become possible..

sAd

haayy i feel so sad sad sad :(

i never thought this will happen, for so many years that we survived.. then all will end up like this, I'm still hoping i can forgive and just forget.. But whenever i think of it, i felt a little bit scared that you will just hurt me again, not physically but verbally..

when you were telling me things, i felt so stupid that i revolve my world around you, i base all my decisions in your convenience, i forget all about the things I should be doing then after all of that i will just hear all those words..

all along i thought its all Ok, but then again you just explore like a bomb, vomiting all the words you've been meaning to say all these weeks :'(.. i should have known, i should have ready myself :(

i promise myself na titiisin na kita and it is very hard, hard as hell.. im missing you terribly but i must do this.. i need to find myself and learn from it :(

i love you but good bye for now..

LOVE is NOT enough

i give up! thats my word for the day..

its a free country and everyone is entitled for an opinion, whether it is good or bad. We can say whatever we think we need to say, and we based it on what we see and what we hear, and i wont be sorry for what ive said.

I said before that i dont want to be told nor to be pushed in what i do or think, for me i have my own choice and wat ever i chose it is because it is what i do best and it is what I think is right for me, I may sound boastful but that is me.

and because of this heated argument, I vomit the word ive bean meaning to say, months ago.. :-( i dont have any intentions of saying it outloud but you provoked me.

TIRED-" i am tired of waiting for nothing and tired of depending all my decision based on your convenience. I had it all in my hands before but I chose to throw it all and comeback cause that's what you say, thats what you wanted and that's what I think was right for us to be together soon! im tired of waiting on somebody who doesnt care what i want"

FINALLY-but I thank the situation that i finally had a chance to say it, i finally let you know what i feel, I finally let all my anger out. FINALLY..

WAY-this time i wont be the one who will asked for a sorry nor asked for us to comeback together, now its time for you to make a way.. and for me to find myself along the way. or maybe ill let this situation stay this way.

LOVE- My love for you is not enough for me to go on, i admit I am scared to face the world alone but I have to stand now and pick all my shattered pieces. I love you but I have to move on for now and decide for myself, base on what I really want and not because of what you think..

NOW_Im letting you go now, maybe one day our love will lead us back.. but for now l'll let it stay this way, i will endure all the pain it will bring..

am I SORRY?? not now maybe tomorrow.. :,(