I don't know what i am feeling right now, blue? odd? sad? what ever you may call it, all i know is that I am not happy at my current state. Been arguing with the husband about certain things that link with the past situation. As much as I wanted i want to forget all about it and start a new, but every time I find myself in the same boat, I cant help but think about it all over again, its like a movie scene that keeps rewinding in my head and I cant stop it, i keep telling my self that i need to let go of the past to start fresh for our future, but its like a dream that hunt me and i need to voice it out to make me calm but in exchange it will hurt the feelings of my husband. I get too frustrated and don't know how to deal with it.
The things we argue about may seem shallow to some people but kinda necessary for me to bargain with, its all about broken promises, that in the past that i just forgive but today seems to be a habit for him, i can understand some situations but then again, I'm just human, i wont able to take all the annoyance as it files up through the years, I continue to forgive him for everything but it seems things doesn't change, It continually happens every now and then and I hate myself for letting it take place over and over. But what can I do, I love the person and every word that comes out from his mouth i undoubtedly believed and embraced it unquestionably, but there are times that i ask myself if i have to believe it again? shall i in store it in my mind and heart or just let pass through my other ear, my heart was broken a few times, good times heals it but crash every time a promise was not fulfilled. Sometimes i blamed myself for letting it arise, asked myself why i didn't learn from the past situation, but then again those situations strengthen me and I am still not loosing hope that someday one of those broken promises will still come true.
Hope is always there as long as i accept that things will not go on, on our own happiness. Only time will tell when all things become possible..
Hope is always there as long as i accept that things will not go on, on our own happiness. Only time will tell when all things become possible..
