whats up?

Nothing much happened to me the last week, i have been busy working and sorting my things, im in a not so happy mood as the day pass by..

last mon (7-7-08) my tito art and boyet's father died (who happens to be my grand father, his a sister of my grandmother who is my father's mom, gets?:-) so they had to rush home the following day, (7-8-08) hinatid nmin sila sa airport and it was a heartbreaking moment. my tito boyet was a bit afraid, He cant accept that he's coming home for that kind of reason. :(

haaayy im just burrying myself sa work, for me not to feel the emptiness and sadness inside me, im missing my uncles and at the same time im being sad cause the days are quickly passing by. uuwi n me and part of me is breaking and part of me is smiling.. gulo ko noh! basta im planning to enjoy and make the most out of my remaining days!!

nasa isip ko lang..

haaaay naku.. earlier today i fixed one of my box going to philippines, it was a mixed emotion. nalungkot naman ako bigla, ewan ko ba.. pero natutuwa n rin naman ako at finally e malapit ko n uling makasama yung family ko. kaya isip ko n lang magkakaiba tayo ng kapalaran, hindi ito ang para sa akin, marami pang pwedeng mangyari sa akin sa pinas n baka mas masaya ako dun. haaayy (im I trying to convince my self or what? hehe..)

any way as I said, magkakaiba tyo, meron akong mga kakilala graduate ng magandang skul, pero anu? ng-asawa, ng pk nanay sa ibang bansa.. o di ba masaya cia?!. kaya di ba dapat lang nman hanapin natin ang mga bagay na makapagpapasaya sa atin at hindi ang mga bagay na matutustusan ang mga materyal na bagay na panganagilangan ntin..

Sasayangin ko nga ang opportunity na ito pero, pupunta nman ako sa lugar n kung saan masaya ako. kasi nman para sa akin routine n ang buhay ko dito, bahay, work, school.. tsaka sayang nman yung binabayad ko sa skul at nabasa ko pa sa home office n my bago namang law ung Home office. mg id n daw.. naku e mas lalo ng masusugsog kung napasok k o hindi.. hehe.. haaayy tama n gusto ko ng iwan ang mga prblema dito. gusto ko nman ng bagong adventure.. bagong challenge naman..tama n cguro ang tatlong taon ko dito..

ONE DAY IN MY LIFE..

sometimes when im all alone in the kitchen heating my food a question keep coming on my mind, "how I am surviving all of these?" cooking my own food, working, and living away from home (and more..) (sigh) whereas I can be with my mom and ican be happier. Ive been here for almost 2 1/2 year and there a lot of things that changed my life, being here is a very humbling experience, you will really learn na makisama and take good care of yourself, nobody care for you more but your own self.

Like now, im here in my room all alone, sitting in front of the laptop (which has been my life for the past 5 months). ive just finish watching tfc and now im editing this post. there is a part of me that terribly miss home. sometimes i was thinking, "what if i didnt come here? , im i Happier", "will i be able to feel all of these?", "would I become the persom I am now?", Will i wear the same perfume?".. may be yes and maybe not..

I am very thankful that the path of life cross me in these experiences, I met some good friends, i spent time with relatives, i experience studying here, i experience being alone, i humbled a lot, i have things, I learn to value more my family, my friends and love ones..(and more)
sometimes, we need to experience all of these to learnt he true meaning of life although sometimes its painful, but we learn to fight and it strengthen us more. and still believe that inspite all of these Life is too short to waste.. live .love and laugh!

kaw kasi e.. panu na?

bkit ganun? di ba kaya ka nman nagseselos kc natatakot kang mawala yung taong mahal mo, natatakot k n maagaw ng iba? db?? e panu kung m-miss interpret? panu kung ang isipin ina-under mo n cya panu un? at panu kung sabihin syo n pinaparusahan mo n cya sa mga ginagawa mo para sa kanya.. masakit db?? anu bang tama? pabayaan cla at mag intay n lng?? panu kung sa loob ng isang araw di ka n-miss, at sabihin sayo n inaway mo kasi? panu un? anung mararamdaman mo? kaw kc e, masyado k magmahal.. teka mali ba un?

on the other hand..

the sun was out yesterday so, its nice to go to school and visit london as well but unfortunatly, i wasnt able to go because i was late from the call time that i set myself, and i made ate mercy upset for letting her wait for half an hour*sorry* so, instead of going to school we just treat the kids in the aldershot indoor pool, OMG! we walk from ate mercy's house till there which is about half an hour plus 1 stop.(lol) the children had a great time plus us adults, they dont even want to get out of the water and go home, eventhough you can see that their body is already shaking (hehe). and we head home for another 30 mins walk. The children fell asleep in their buggy already and i felt the same as the winds blows in my face as if my bed was calling me and have a lay down.. (lol)

while on our way home ate may asked me the same question she always asked "uuwi kn b talaga?" :)

and just an hour ago, i just came home from ate aileens small get together for her b-day, which we enjoyed much.. and everytime they will tease me about me going home for good my uncle will say "berat yang batang yan" ;) and when they repeated it again he said "ewan ko b jan, dami daming gustong pumunta dito tapos cya" :) and on the way home ate karen asked my again and from nowhere my uncle said "pautangin kita ng png-renew" :) ummm good offer..(lol)

when i got to my room i opened my laptop and check my mail and saw a mesagge from kuya dino " kung ako sa iyo..wag ka muna umuwi" :)

haayyy their making me confused, last month im all decided.. now their making me having a second thought.. but on the other hand.......................................................................

shut up!

last night i just got hurt for some reason, i prove to it that blood is thicker than water.. a relative of mine is facing a big trouble, i havent confirmed it personally, i just heard it from hearsay, the news broke last week and it has been named to me just recently, at first, its ok, i just kept quiet anyway i dont know what really happened and we're not really close, but last night when i heard a somebody talk about her its just, i wanted to tell them off, she's still a fellow filipino and we're foreigner in this country, why just dont we support her in silence and keep things to ourself.. i thought eventhough we're not close and very seldom to see each other she's still my cousin and whatever i heard still hurt me..

i am a Caregiver

have you seen sharon cuneta's new movie titled "caregiver". it was shot here in the UK, most of Us filipino's here in england are very excited with the movie. (i think sharon will come for the premiere, or she already came)*my apology*

im a sharonian ever since and i cant wait to see the movie, ive seen the trailer may times and, it put me to tears,its because its like seeing myself with the character being a caregiver here.it gives a different impact,actually its really a mixed emotion, because i can relate with the kind of work and i know the hardship of being a caregiver, there are times na some residents will just crown you or kick you, but you cant do anything di mo nman pwedeng gantihan, first mentally, theyre already ill and they dont know what theyre doing most of the times, second thats why we got a job because of their situations and third, you are there to look after them and make sure they're alright.

being a caregiver is a very humbling job, most of us is a proffesional in the Philippines and because we're seeking for a good life for our family back home, we endure all the pain, the loneliness, the hardship and just take where the wind blows us. there are some patients and co-workers who are racist and will give you a hard time just because they dont want your colour, the place where you came from, they will criticise the way you speak and so on.. but inspite all that being a filipino and known for a hardworking you will accept everything and just be patient and just pray..

in my own experience, being a caregiver here in the UK open my eyes to the real world.. its not easy to make money, no work no pay! when i was starting, i found the job very degrading,and kept asking myself why i am here?! but as the time past by i begun to love the job and the patient, sometimes your day wouldnt complete without seeing your favourite resident, and its an achievement when you teach them something and they will still remember after a few days and when they do remember your name. its a very nice feeling. but on the other hand when somebody dies we also feel that a part of the family has gone, we just think that its already time to end their suffering and they will have a journey where life is more beautiful.

It is a tiring job as well, you'll get backpain, knee pain from keeping on walking up and down, headache and hign blood (as for me!lol) but at the end of the month when we receive our payslip.. everything will be fine(lol)

c glentot ko!

this picture was taken when i went home sa pinas, sa Sm san Lazaro, while we are waiting for mami mers sister, i think we took a twentyish pic before she came, but i wont post all of it here (lol), and while waiting we also plan our quick get away for the next day.

that day was very memorable, so many things had happen, so many laughs and lots of plan changing.. aand for the first time again, i saw Glen na malungkot, natakot and excited.. o db as in mixed emotion sya.. hehe.. nakakatuwa, i really miss the old him. Him, two years way back before i went here in the UK. eventhough we really dont spend much time together, only weekends or sometimes hindi p nga due to some family occsions but he will definitely find time to see me during the weekdays..Sweet! there are times na He will visit me sa shop or he will text me that he's coming and ill meet him at the nearest mall.. ayun, ganun ganun lang its becoz His also busy working and me doing some stuff or im staying in Laguna..

but we're both thankful na we dont see each other much, otherwise naku, away cguro kmi ng away..hehe natural lng nman pero kc di ba nakkasawa din at least if di kmi nmgkita for 5-7 days we really miss each other and we wouldnt dare to fight or even argue di ba..

He's always been very patient with me, He been through a lot with me and im to handful to handle for Him.. hehe.. kahit makulit na ako, he will just keep quite until i stop and sya nman magagalit..hehe. i remember one time nghabulan p kmi sa Sm makati to mrt to lrt and end up sa Tayuman.. i dont remember na wat really happened..hehe.. well sorry mahal.. =)

haayy,how i miss him.. cant weyt to see him again.. till next tym panget!

deCided but still cOnfused.. : (

ive been hunted with some thoughts for a few days now and the advice im getting from friends made me more confused..(siggghhh)

because of the things going around my work place im thinking of cutting my stay short (as i said in my last blog) because i dont have any assurance what will happen tom, if im still be having a job or their own law of convinience has changed again and we will be the one who will suffer from it. (long siggghhh again..) im beginning to panic and couldnt work like before. just last night i notice that i can be annoyed easily and can loose patient completely and i hate myself being all that.. so i just walked away and talk to myself that its not fair for them to be affected or be the one n mapagbuntunan ng lahat ng ngyayari..

i asked four friends and i got a four different answer as well that made me totally confused.. haaaayy

personally, i am decided that whatever will happen i will not re-new my visa for so many reasons that some people wouldnt understand, so i woundnt detailed it much. i thought it many times and end up with a same solution.

i just keep in mind that there is life after all of these and this place is not the end of my dreams, but leaving it and ending it will be a new beginning of something great, this is not my land. but this country has thought me many things and i will keep it and be my guidelines with the new journey im going to take

i wish and hope that all the person close to my heart will understand that i have to this for some reason and another. i will take all the memories, laughs, cries and the friendship you offer me..

bReaKing uP

how does it feel to break up with somebody after years of being together?.. yeah, its painful and you still wish that there still hope and kept wondering if you could bring back the old times..


personally im a bit liberated as glenn tells me when it comes to that, when something wrong happened between the two of us, i do my part in saving it and make up for the lost time, in some situation i lower my pride but not to the extent of begging, for me kasi when i knew na ive done my part and nothing happened i just let it go.. i should respect myself first and still leave a litle love for myself.. and letting go doest mean na you stop loving the person its just you need to rebuild your life back, pick up the pieces and return your dignity that you lost along the way fighting for the man who once own your heart..


but i know its hard but you need to move on and be open to what comes ahead, dont completely shut your heart, it just needs sometime to heal.. para one day when you see each other again, youre alright na and you can face him with lots of confidence and not with bitterness..