im Too complicated

As we grow old, there are lots of things that we become aware of, like for me I got an answer to the question ive been asking for the longest time but still it doesnt end there. The results become more complicated for me : (.

When I was still in college Ive been asking myself what I really wanna do after graduation, Im I happy? Im I satisfied? or I wanna be somebody? There is always a voice behind me on evrything I dne for the past years, the voice that guide through my future, but sometimes whenever I fail I always regret that I follow that voice, but still inside me im always thankful.

When I decided to come home for good I finally set my mind on what will I do, I asked my parents If I can go back to school and pursue med, when they agreed I talk to all people concerns and they all approved for the step I will make. But then again.. Just recently I received a phone call from my uncle asking to complete my papers and somebody is willing to apply me for a work permit, inside me I wanted to go but I wanted to be a doctor and there comes my glenn asking "kailan na tyo mgpapaksal?" ahhhhhh I wanted to scream! I wanted to ask!! I wanted to......

why? why? why? when I finally knew what to do, when I finally got the answers it comes in three, now my problem is what to choose??

I want to be a doctor, but I want to get married and have children before im 30 but I also want to see the world :(

gandang pinay!

You Are a Natural Beauty!

You're the kind of beauty that every guy dreams about... One that looks good in the morning - without a stich of makeup That's doesn't mean you're a total hippie chic though You have style, but for you, style is effortless

http://www.blogthings.com/whattypeofbeautyareyouquiz/">What Type of Beauty Are You?

my daddy and me

Lately, I was nagging my dad about his expenses in his farm land, i kept telling him that He was just wasting his time and money with all His crop. Because in the end, instead of earning his losing more. We all knew that Philippines economy is not doing well and with the sky rocketing price of crude oil farmers now a days are becoming poorer instead of being richer.

Everytime i kept telling him just to sell some part of the land, its very wide that maintaining it would cost a lot which is not practical this days. but He will just tell me "tsaka na, pag matanda n ako" or "manghihina ako, alm mo nman n eto n lng libangan ko".. Oh dear! i really cant force him to just stay in manila and keep an eye in his long time business or rather stay in Laguna. So, what happens most of the time his Nueva Ecija, looking after his mom and his land.

enough of my dad, as i wanted to write here is about how me and dad is alike. (i just gave you a preview how He is like, so you have and idea what im telling about) I was thinking about this the other day, I was in control of my money the other months, I kept my other card with ate mer's so I wouldnt get hold of it, even if i wanted to buy some things. but recently some unexpected moments came and i coudnt help to bought a thing which i knew i shouldnt be. Oh God! i lost control and evrytime Im thinking about it I get worried and wishing its already pay day and get things back on track! gosh! i really hate what im feeling about it im thinking of what if an emergency happens? what if?? more of what if's..

Just like my dad, both of us is an impulsive buyer, just because we wanted this and that even if its not practical, we will go for it. we're both not thinking of tom, we're both thinking of today which is not good. totoo nga naman ang kasabihan noh. "ang magnanakaw galit sa kapwa magnanakaw" :) but now ive learned my lesson and promise to hold my expenditure in control. ineed to be tight! as in tight!

mamimiss ko cla

If there are two person here in Aldershot whom I will miss most it would be ate Mer's and Galiye. These mother and daughter tandem has been a great part of my everyday life in here. If you couldnt find me at home try to knock on their door and you will find me there. Their house has been my third home. (of course my tito art's will always be the first and my room will be second and their cozy, homey and lovely flat will fall on the 3rd).

Ate Mer's has been so good to me ever since She got this motherly love for though she only older than me by 10 years I think?? (she's not ashamed of his age though). I am well fed in their house (thats the best past LOL) She got these menu that I really love and she always cook that for me, and if I wasnt able to come in their house she will brought it on duty so I still can eat them. Sweet eh?? :)
And this cute little mix gurl is galiye and She's my inaanak. makulit pero bibong bibo, mind you in just few months She knows how to speak Tagalog and knows how to use the language. galing noh. When she first came here she only speak turkish, a little of hebrew and arabic. o db linguist my future ang bata! hehe..

as of these early e si ate mers madrama na about me leaving in three months. But the truth is me as well is getting sad and sadder as the day pass by.. haaayy but what I can do life has to move on. England is not my land.

no more monday night please..

last night was another toxic monday night. same day, same duty and same place! and i really hate it. Im doing my best in every duty but still there are things that has been missed... so id rather changed my work days dahil baka sa pangatlo masama p ako sa bibingo! good thing next week im on holiday so i will miss it but in the folowing wik i will make sure that my duty doesnt include monday nyt.. i want to complete my duty until oct.. so please spare me..

no more please... no more!

on the other hand..

the sun was out yesterday so, its nice to go to school and visit london as well but unfortunatly, i wasnt able to go because i was late from the call time that i set myself, and i made ate mercy upset for letting her wait for half an hour*sorry* so, instead of going to school we just treat the kids in the aldershot indoor pool, OMG! we walk from ate mercy's house till there which is about half an hour plus 1 stop.(lol) the children had a great time plus us adults, they dont even want to get out of the water and go home, eventhough you can see that their body is already shaking (hehe). and we head home for another 30 mins walk. The children fell asleep in their buggy already and i felt the same as the winds blows in my face as if my bed was calling me and have a lay down.. (lol)

while on our way home ate may asked me the same question she always asked "uuwi kn b talaga?" :)

and just an hour ago, i just came home from ate aileens small get together for her b-day, which we enjoyed much.. and everytime they will tease me about me going home for good my uncle will say "berat yang batang yan" ;) and when they repeated it again he said "ewan ko b jan, dami daming gustong pumunta dito tapos cya" :) and on the way home ate karen asked my again and from nowhere my uncle said "pautangin kita ng png-renew" :) ummm good offer..(lol)

when i got to my room i opened my laptop and check my mail and saw a mesagge from kuya dino " kung ako sa iyo..wag ka muna umuwi" :)

haayyy their making me confused, last month im all decided.. now their making me having a second thought.. but on the other hand.......................................................................

i am a Caregiver

have you seen sharon cuneta's new movie titled "caregiver". it was shot here in the UK, most of Us filipino's here in england are very excited with the movie. (i think sharon will come for the premiere, or she already came)*my apology*

im a sharonian ever since and i cant wait to see the movie, ive seen the trailer may times and, it put me to tears,its because its like seeing myself with the character being a caregiver here.it gives a different impact,actually its really a mixed emotion, because i can relate with the kind of work and i know the hardship of being a caregiver, there are times na some residents will just crown you or kick you, but you cant do anything di mo nman pwedeng gantihan, first mentally, theyre already ill and they dont know what theyre doing most of the times, second thats why we got a job because of their situations and third, you are there to look after them and make sure they're alright.

being a caregiver is a very humbling job, most of us is a proffesional in the Philippines and because we're seeking for a good life for our family back home, we endure all the pain, the loneliness, the hardship and just take where the wind blows us. there are some patients and co-workers who are racist and will give you a hard time just because they dont want your colour, the place where you came from, they will criticise the way you speak and so on.. but inspite all that being a filipino and known for a hardworking you will accept everything and just be patient and just pray..

in my own experience, being a caregiver here in the UK open my eyes to the real world.. its not easy to make money, no work no pay! when i was starting, i found the job very degrading,and kept asking myself why i am here?! but as the time past by i begun to love the job and the patient, sometimes your day wouldnt complete without seeing your favourite resident, and its an achievement when you teach them something and they will still remember after a few days and when they do remember your name. its a very nice feeling. but on the other hand when somebody dies we also feel that a part of the family has gone, we just think that its already time to end their suffering and they will have a journey where life is more beautiful.

It is a tiring job as well, you'll get backpain, knee pain from keeping on walking up and down, headache and hign blood (as for me!lol) but at the end of the month when we receive our payslip.. everything will be fine(lol)

diet please..

haaayy eto wala lng.. im too tired, i cant think anymore of all the topics ive been wanting to write.. its been quite a while i havent updated my blog for some reason, and im quite busy the past few days (busy doing nothing) hehe actually im busy planning my diet after two of my not so called friend teased me that i gained weight

scene #1: exactly a week ago a kapwa pinoy told me that " o tingnan mo tong batang toh, ang taba taba na.." i wanted to protest but i just smiled at him.. hmp! pakitingnan sarili please.. ;(

scene #2: a foreign co-worker teased me that i looked that i couldnt breathe in with my uniform..hmp pansinin b kc after lunch, e di of course busog noh (ayaw umamin! lol)

so after all of those teasing and allegations (lol) i am cutting my food intake and even trying the after 6 diet, o boy! 10 oclock in the evening, i already feel so hungry, so i just tuck myself into bed and sleep and think that its for my own good n din.. hehe

anyway, still long way to go to achieve my desired weigth.. patience patience and more patience..

high school memories

the other day while we were walking home, topic about high school life suddenly pop from no where, ate lorna and I we were gigling about it all the way home..
i wonder what happend to all my friends and batchmate back then, im happy and contented on where i am now but im still striving for the best..we will be celebrating our decade anniversary next year, oh god! hove time quickly flies..


lets reminise..


i enjoy my high school life the most, you will learn almost everything in high school, from academics to kalokohan, personal to relationships, maghabol ng crush, sundan, mind you pati mga rooms and skeds alam..lol! when your in first year, your still afraid to break the rules, you still wer the proper uniform, shoes and you follow the time table, never been late, present in all school activities, and you bought all the school ticket, public school but so many charity tickets and soliciting.. in second year, medyo ok na its like you pass in first year so you have the guts now to do something and break a little rule, medyo pasaway na.. third year, medyo matigas n bungo, cutting classes, not attending p.e. you got all the allibis in the whole school, not wearing proper uniform, tinatakasan ang guard.. fourth year, medyo mabait n hindi.. mabait coz baka di ka mk-graduate and hindi kc matigas n ulo aba e fourth year na senior years kumbaga, hari harian n, kayan kayannan mga first year.. (hindi ako un ha.. im not friendly e) hehe.


i will remember the most is my friends, we were together since our first year, ng-away, nagtampuhan etc.. but on the funny side kakaiba sila, i got this two friends who use "papel de hapon and crepe paper" as their lipstick, oops yes.. you read it right.. theyre most happy when christmas is coming..lol!but sometimes candy, do you remember the lipps candy? o db mas sosi yon and mas red, instant glow n sa lips mo.. and most of them carry in their badgs a handy mirror, it comes in all shapes and sizes and color, its eitheir thay kept it in their pocket, purse o they just ket it in their hands (just in case they bump in their crushes, quick look muna baka my muta..lol) they even retuch before going home, o db uuwi n lng they still have to look their best..

im a late bloomer, i dont do things like that during that period, im not very concious and dont even care how i look.. before i go out of our house, i just comb my hair and ayos na.. its because when i was kid allergic ako sa powder and i dont feel like being a girl.. (the truth is im boyish at that time) but i always keep a hanky in hand, just in case something wrong happend to me or i was being humiliated or anything (im a cry baby) i have something to wipe my tears.. one time somthing happened in the classroom and i went out of the room because my teacher was very angry, (coz i dont want to participate in a test or quiz bee) i was weeping in the corregidor, and my crush was coming in the direction im facing, hmp! i dont care naiiyak ako e.. i always been a unconfident girl, maybe because of the past experience..


batch 99.. i hope my re union so we can catch up, and see each other again up close and personal.. not only here in friendster..


good luck evryone and God bless

ready!

as i was working last night i couldnt help but kept on thinking about my plans when i come home in the philippines.. so much things to do and so much thing to think, but evrytime my thought come across it, i cant hide the happiness i was feeling.. im so excited and i know inside me im ready to take another step in my career and in my life im ready to take another big leap.
another place, another beginning and another chapter, its not easy to start all over again but i wouldnt how is it until i give it a shot! haaayyy cant wait! i feel so ecstatic about it!! GOod luk to me until the right time comes..

pooh missing her tigger

glenn post this pictures today, this was taken t his work..

its nice to see him happy in what He is doing, and i couldnt help but to feel proud for him, he been dreaming of this eversince he started working back home, he got big dreams, thats why when he receive the news that his application was approved, he couldnt hode his happiness, it was a mix emotion for him, he's worrying that i may not see him before he go (because his flight schedule was in time for my vacation, good thing it was moved) but God's willing n mag abot p kmi and spend 1 1/2 week together, its was an amazing week, we couldnt get enough of each other, being always there is enough eventhough i kept sleeping ang He was doing all the chores (poor bb) as in, cooking, waking me up, planning my scheds, puttig me to sleep, buying my breakfast,etc.. he makes my vaction worth it.. and now, we plan to go home at the same mo.(cross finger) i really pray that it will push through, but anyway im just in the philippines waiting for him, while doing my things..

bb, you take care always.. and i love you much..

hAppy mothErs day!!

just moments ago i receive this text message form ate sally..

your mother is always with you..she's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; shes the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; She's the cool hand in your brow when you're not well. Your mother lives inside your laughter.and She's crystallized inevry tear drop. She's the place you came from, your first home;and Shes the map you followwith every step you take. She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can seperate you. Cheers to our mother!!

my mother and I are same different. shes very domesticated, me if i just feel like.. ( but i am now, because i need to..:D) we bothe like shopping, shes galante if she have extra, me, i dont do budgets..hehe we both like bags, like when i was in the ph, i use all her bags and my bonus it got money dagdag pamasahe, o pang candy (coins)Lol! we love to travel and go for a short break, were hard workers and Gd fearing..

we are the best of friends. were closer now and very open with each other, as i grew up She's my constant companion, i depend a lot to her, she's very doting,very sweet inside and very quite. She raise us with all her best, attend to all our needs, fight for what we are entitled for and cried inside whenever one of us get hurt.

i became closer to her when i went here in england, for the first time i will be separated with her for the longest time. i constantly phone her and her to me. i became more open to her, i tell her evrything, my problems, heart ache, failures, excitement, happiness, and evrything that i am experiencing here! she never get tired of my own stories, even how weird i can get shes patiently listening on the other end. she even sends me things i needed, shes my lifeline and my friend.

nanay, i missing you much and its only few months from now (or even weeks) and we will see each other again, i cant wait to go shopping with you and talk non-stop.. love you a lot!

deCided but still cOnfused.. : (

ive been hunted with some thoughts for a few days now and the advice im getting from friends made me more confused..(siggghhh)

because of the things going around my work place im thinking of cutting my stay short (as i said in my last blog) because i dont have any assurance what will happen tom, if im still be having a job or their own law of convinience has changed again and we will be the one who will suffer from it. (long siggghhh again..) im beginning to panic and couldnt work like before. just last night i notice that i can be annoyed easily and can loose patient completely and i hate myself being all that.. so i just walked away and talk to myself that its not fair for them to be affected or be the one n mapagbuntunan ng lahat ng ngyayari..

i asked four friends and i got a four different answer as well that made me totally confused.. haaaayy

personally, i am decided that whatever will happen i will not re-new my visa for so many reasons that some people wouldnt understand, so i woundnt detailed it much. i thought it many times and end up with a same solution.

i just keep in mind that there is life after all of these and this place is not the end of my dreams, but leaving it and ending it will be a new beginning of something great, this is not my land. but this country has thought me many things and i will keep it and be my guidelines with the new journey im going to take

i wish and hope that all the person close to my heart will understand that i have to this for some reason and another. i will take all the memories, laughs, cries and the friendship you offer me..

Im a worker..

the other night i was thinking what will i do when i get home.. i was thinking of having my own small business, but i wont be a good manager, i better off as a worker.. i like to keep myself busy doing something rather than giving orders, do this, do that.. oh no im not the type and i dont think i would be an effective one, im very soft and sometimes id rather do it myself than ask somebody.. maybe because thats the way i was brought up, i grew without depending on anyone, if you a thing work hard for it to get it. and to tell you the feeling is awesome and you learn to treasure that thing.

some people see me as a walng alam, i mean they think that i cant do household chores or be domesticated, so one time i asked myself.. wat are they thinking of me? and panu b ako makisama? anu bang aura ko? hehe.. i just hope they know me before they judge me..
anyway, when i was a small child i was exposed with the family business, the flower shop and the tumana, my father used to plant so many vegetables and we even help during harvest time and it was so much fun. one time my grandma was harvesting tomatoes and if you fill up one tiklis, you will be paid 2.50 pesos, at that time its quite big for a child like me, and i can buy a peanut butter sandwich for that, but while i was harvesting, i get irritated and because ive been under the sun for long time and i still couldnt fill up the container, so i give up and ask for my cousin help.. so i end up having just half of the money.. LOL

i also tried harvesting calamansi, and daddy will pay P1 per kilo. o god! i almost wreck the tree and i still couldnt fill up one red bag, i just end up with 8 kilos most of the time.. lol

but with those experiences my eyes were opened in a very young age na, you give value in whatever you have in life especially the things you work hard, kc i wouldnt pay any happiness in the word if you achieve something na you know that you really give your best to get it..
and it taught me na life is not easy, the things i got from my parents e dugo at pawis ang binuhos para i can have the luxury in life.. and i taught me rin na kung di ka masipag you wont get anywhere..

dadi, is a very hardworking man and he love what his doin and the dedication to achieve something is really there, he works along his men sa tumana, so he knows whats happening and what are the things nid to be done.... maybe nakuha ko sa knya ung sipag at tyaga.. kya id better be a worker than a boss..

soo excited!! yet...

my home coming date is moved and its two days earlier na.. yeheey!! its because i might leave a bad impression of over staying, so instead of nov 1 it will be on october 30.. haayy its exactly 6 mos from now.. umm actually its a mixed emotion e, i know now im so excited of the fact that im going home for good but on the other side of the coin i will also be very sad that for what i will left in here.. but life has to moved on, i have to make a choice and i have to think of the future, life doesnt stop in here.. maybe something better may come along.. we never know.. anyway, all i have to do now is enjoy, work, and have a good time..


but i wonder who will picked me up at the airport, nanay and dadi will be very busy because of the occasion in manila "todos los santos" haaayy anyway, kuya marlon will always be a raliable one.. im so excited n talaga..

haPPy biRthday ate jen!!

fRiendshIp

wiTh liTtle loRLaiNe

ate jEn with hUbby, brian

frOm heAvy weIght 2 liGhT weiGth

keEp sMiLing..

it was ate jens birthday last aprill 22, and she invited a small group of friends to join her celebrating one of the most important day of her life.

we really had fun, ciempre it wont be complete kung walang picture taking, *here in the U.K. filipinos are known for that, anywhere nagppapicture, kahit sa bin* :).. we really enjoyed posing, si ate lorna nga pose muna bago subuan uli si lorlaine, hehe.. buti maabilidad n ung bata.. jke!

si ate jen was one of those people who can call a friend, mabait, hindi pikon, at laging my baon, oh ate jen, miss ko n ung chicken curry mo and roast chicken with mang tomas.. hehe! naging close talaga kmi nito when the time na its only the two of us ,filipino's working during the day, we stood by each other, eventhough we're very tired, we dont have a choice, otherwise if you complain, you wont have a job tom.. so we opted to shut up and just carry on.. anyway all things will come to an end, but when is that?? that, we dont know..

speaking of ate jen, i really miss this gurl and i love her and i wish her a baby soon, te jen, youre not getting any younger and kumukunat kn.. hehe.. love you ate jen!! ingat..

broken friendship..

this past few days i kept on thinking about something that hapened recently, i dont know, I just dont feel good about it everytime it cross my mind, and i couldnt find any valid reason for somebody to feel that way towards me, i dont remember doing any harm against somebody, because as much as possible, i am carefull and very concious not to hurt somebody's feeling. . my best daes knows how i feel when somebody get mad at me and she knew how ill look like.. :(

but i just notice about myself na nagtatanim n ako ng galit ngaun, before whenever i get angry with someone, it just dissappear in a span of minute but now im holding grudges towards other maybe because i was hurt deeply and i just cant forgive what has been accused of me and what i heard that has been said towards me..

im not justifying my actions but i know havent done anything wrong and i can stand with each word i said.. and this time the wound it caused will leave a mark and will take ages to heal.. you cant blame me i just cant really accept what has been said.. im sorry..

last week round up..

• last week (april 14-20) was a quite busy week for me, got lots of duty, and i was surprised that they added another 12 hours of duty at manor and thanks to ate ethel kc she gave me extra hours in her work place.. yehey! thank you..
• after sunday night duty i headed for another job, (cleeaning) thanks God its not as hard as it may sound. i was dead tired in the afternoon so, i went to bed as soon as i got home.
• tuesday was a school day, nothing much happened really. i had an early night.
• wednesday i got an early duty at marwa and dinner with friends, sarap tinola!
• thursday and fri.. pahinga at pahinga.. not a good weather so i opted to stay in my crib and just watch dvd,tfc till i drop.
• weekends are busy as well, 3 night duty in a row and very tiring, every night we got a situation that needs monitoring.

there you go my busy and not so busy week. im happy and thankful that i got lots work shifts.. yipee, my pambayad n me ng house! : )

glenn_joan

*when and where did you first meet?
-as friends, in SM Mla, in front of national bookstore and he's late.

*how about in being a couple?
-same venue, but we met 7 days after we become a couple.

*when did you become an item?
-october 2 2002

*how long you've been together?
-5 years 6 months 2 weeks and 3 days

*are you happy?
-very much, i cant ask for someone else.

*any plans of tying the knot?
-it has been talk a few times but no definite or solid plan yet, but we're considering 2010.

*where is He now?
-he's currently working in riyadh as aircraft mechanic.

*miss him?
-if i only could pull the time.

*how would you describe Him?
-glenn is a listener, loner and emotional, He's not showy so sometimes you'll be doubtfull about him but when he tell you something its very intense and you'll just feel all the love inside him.
he got so many plans and he's working hard for that.

*how about you, how would you describe yourself?
-sometimes im more of a pessimistic than optimistic. im on my lowest point at this time but im trying to rebuild my life back, i know im on a situation but i also know im still safe because i still can talk about it, i have this grudges against some persons that i consider them as a friend. so many things to say but i know one of this day ill be fine.

*are you content about your life as a whole?
-definitely i am, we cannot avoid some circumstances but i am happy and perfectly fine in what is happening with me right now. im happy that im experiencing all of this and it has a lot to do with who i am now and with my perception in life. im thakfull for all the friends and loveones who supported me.

*any regrets?
-nope. evrything happened for some reason or another and God is with us all the way.

*anything you want to say to your partner?
-thanks for all the advice, help and for simply being there.. i cannot get through with all of these without your loving words and patience in listening with me.. stay the same and ill see you soon! ako lng mahal mo!! mwaaahh love you much!

friend-SHIP

ever wondered why they called it friend-ship. since this morning i kept on thinking the word. may be because when you became friends you got someone who will sail with you in lifes, storms, earthshakes and tragedy as well as in your lifes sweetest, funniest and luckiest moment.
lets see what each word mean:

friend-a person with whom one has a bond of mutual afection, an ally, a familiar or helpfull thing.

ship-a large boat for transporting people. It is a large vessel that floats on water.

So i come to a conclusion that are friends is the one saves us, transport us away from the dark side of the sea, the one who keep us floating from the flood of problems and from the sea of temptations..

so to all my friends, happy sailing and keep safe always! keep floating!